Sunday, 16 September 2007

Great Auntie Nellie would have had a fit...

...But first, I would like to thank Pixie for the rather splendid "Nice Matters" award. It adds a much-needed dash of pink to my blog. I will make some nominations when I find the criteria (anyone know what these are??)

It reminds me of Great Auntie Nellie's crocheted pillowcase. She probably wouldn't have grown flowers in a shoe. Far too practical for that.


Back to Auntie Nellie and the fit I suppose she would have had. It was a strange sequence of events...

I was leaving a perfectly innocent comment on Pixie's blog (a journal which regularly causes my ears to turn a funny shade of crimson), which just so happened to require the use of the past participle of "crochet". As a quick check on usage, I typed "crocheted" into Google. It rapidly appeared that "crocheted" did indeed appear to be in common usage (or as common as you'll find for a handicraft which is on the endangered list). I finished my comment and published it and was just closing some tabs when I noticed, not very far down the results, something which caught my eye:



**WARNING**
For your own safety and comfort, prudes, the easily offended, young children, people who look like young children but aren't, people who think they are badgers, badgers who think they are people, and those allergic to acrylic fibres should look away now.






Badger, that includes you. Read no further. I'll post something more Badger-friendly soon.




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CrochetMyCrotch.com: home of the crocheted vulva and other vagina ...
I make and sell crocheted vulvas. My website does not contain nudity (aside from a single artist's rendering of female anatomy) ...
www.crochetmycrotch.com/ - 2k - Cached - Similar pages


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Well, that was a search result not to be ignored. Having just got back from a weekend at the Hotel Parental where I feel that I somewhat abused the facilities (free board and lodgings for myself and a couple of Swiss, home grown plums, car washed, and a date and walnut loaf thrown in for free), I feel the need to get a present for my mother. Being a sexual health professional, I thought she might find a crocheted vulva useful as a teaching aid for the young and impressionable. Well, OK, that was the best excuse I could think of for having a good poke around the site. With boggling mind, I set about a thorough investigation.  In so doing, I learned that somewhere in the world, someone makes muff muffs and assorted, hand-crocheted genitalia-themed novelties. It is possible to make a living from muffs like these??


Girls, I implore you all (and my mother would no doubt do likewise) to keep it clean...

10 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

Your ma is a sexual health professional? What does she do? Is she a sex ed teacher? A sexual health nurse who goes round giving ocntraceptive jabs etc? A midwife? I am NOT goping to look at crochet mufs, now way! Might look just a bit too much like post childbirth ones...

DJ Kirkby said...

Okay damnit I went and looked! Why oh why did I go and look? I knew I wouldnt like it! In fact I feel faintly ill...

Rob said...

So THAT'S what one looks like!

But Why? said...

dj,
Good try, but I suspect curiousity will claim many cats. Is that a bad thing?

My mother's a gynaecologist/colposcopist, working mostly in community, spending a lot of effort trying to prevent the rampant advance of STIs and encouraging the young and hormonally-charged to use condoms. I understand it's a pretty thankless task most of the time. And as for the muffs, despite it getting rather cold oop norf in winter, and despite supposing that I think she'll like the concept of the muff muffs, I doubt she would ever model a pair... I think I'll just circulate the link instead.
xx

Rob,
Well, sort of. One day...
xx

Pixie said...

And just for once it's my ears that are a funny colour..... what a hoot.
pxx

But Why? said...

Pixie,
Should we start keeping score? I reckon it's about 10-2 in your favour...
But xx

Badger said...

Badger read your words, but she did not look. I am a wise wise Badger you see. :)

Badg x

But Why? said...

Badger,
I'm pleased you refrained from looking. They made poor dj feel faintly ill, and I suspect Badgers are less resilient to the charms of the crocheted crotch than is dj. You are a wise, wise Badger, indeed. Have an extra pickled egg for being so clever...
xx

Anna MR said...

Right. This was a fine find, Dear Dr, and I salute you. I do think she could extrapolate a bit and also do hats, scarves, gloves and mittens, and maybe go even further and experiment with different media, for instance printed cotton (for sheets, or maybe summer dresses), and the like.

Yes. I have bookmarked her site, for future use. Thank you for bringing this to our attention, Mutta my dear.

x

But Why? said...

Anna,
You are of course most welcome to my finds, and I am highly pleased that the crocheted crotch produced no ill effects on your good self. I did happen to have a chat with my mother (an avid reader of everything I have ever written since the age of 4 and my first masterpiece, the illustrated* This is a rubbish tip with an ant crawling in. and discovered that she is of the opinion that, in comparison with many of the muffs she encounters, they are far nicer and cleaner. I wonder if Becki's Crocheted Delights could use a professional recommendation...?
xxx

*image not to scale.