How DID I get this job?

A fringe benefit of commuting to work is having a lot of time in which to think random thoughts. Via an unremarkable and completely disinteresting sequence of events, I happened to be thinking today about whether I would have got the job as my parents' daughter and my brother's sister had I not have been born to it. I wondered for a moment what exactly I would put on my cv if I had to convince my folks I was the daughter for them...

Dr But Why?

Profile: Dynamic, independent daughter with somewhat offbeat sense of humour and own transport seeks position of absentee maverick in well-adjusted and independent family for weddings, funerals, birthdays, and other family get-togethers, and support at the end of the phone whenever a hug is needed.

Skills and experience:

• 28 years' experience in similar position;
• Dedicated to the delivery of tea in bed;
• Early riser;
• Good listener;
• Skilled mover of garden furniture and sacks of manure;
• Good at sharpening knives, own steel;
• Patient with geeks and distant relatives;
• Useful as ersatz walking stick with which to descend Mt Vesuvius;
• Look amazingly cute dressed as the Queen of Hearts;
• Can listen attentively to 'dry runs' of lectures on good practice in colposcopy
  and gynaecology whilst simultaneously eating dinner and complimenting the cook.

Qualifications:

• Brownie badges in cleaning, reading, cooking and first aid;
• Reasonable grasp of language, including understanding of family-specific terms such as crozzled and donger;
• Innate knowledge of the correct order in which to serve Yorkshire puddings and roast beef;
• Morally immovable on the position of never eating a Bakewell Tart;
• 2 x chromosomes;
• Genetically related to and spitting image of almost every single living relative.
  

Salary Expectations:

• Bolt hole in Yorkshire;
• Unconditional Love.

I wonder if I would have got the job...?