Monday, 2 July 2007

How DID I get this job?

A fringe benefit of commuting to work is having a lot of time in which to think random thoughts. Via an unremarkable and completely disinteresting sequence of events, I happened to be thinking today about whether I would have got the job as my parents' daughter and my brother's sister had I not have been born to it. I wondered for a moment what exactly I would put on my cv if I had to convince my folks I was the daughter for them...


Dr But Why?


Profile: Dynamic, independent daughter with somewhat offbeat sense of humour and own transport seeks position of absentee maverick in well-adjusted and independent family for weddings, funerals, birthdays, and other family get-togethers, and support at the end of the phone whenever a hug is needed.

Skills and experience:
  • 28 years' experience in similar position;
  • Dedicated to the delivery of tea in bed;
  • Early riser;
  • Good listener;
  • Skilled mover of garden furniture and sacks of manure;
  • Good at sharpening knives, own steel;
  • Patient with geeks and distant relatives;
  • Useful as ersatz walking stick with which to descend Mt Vesuvius;
  • Look amazingly cute dressed as the Queen of Hearts;
  • Can listen attentively to 'dry runs' of lectures on good practice in colposcopy
    and gynaecology whilst simultaneously eating dinner and complimenting the cook.
Qualifications:
  • Brownie badges in cleaning, reading, cooking and first aid;
  • Reasonable grasp of language, including understanding of family-specific terms such as crozzled and donger;
  • Innate knowledge of the correct order in which to serve Yorkshire puddings and roast beef;
  • Morally immovable on the position of never eating a Bakewell Tart;
  • 2 x chromosomes;
  • Genetically related to and spitting image of almost every single living relative.
Salary Expectations:
  • Bolt hole in Yorkshire;
  • Unconditional Love.

I wonder if I would have got the job...?

7 comments:

Rob said...

http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/3568/alhiredjpgvi1.jpg

Dang Blogger HTML restrictions won't let me publish images! huff

KindaBlue said...

I wonder who you could name as a referee in this situation?

Pixie said...

Well I hope said parents and brother of job aplicant read this, cause i think they would love to give the candidate the job. As well as a big hug.
px

Anna MR said...

But - you are fun. I am not currently looking for a daughter, but if the moment arises, I'll know where to turn to. That was a good application.

xx

But Why? said...

Rob,

Awww, thanks. If I didn't already have a family, I might consider you in the older brother role, but seeing as I already have one of those of whom I'm rather fond, I'm afraid I have to decline your kind offer of a job.


Kindablue,

Referee? I don't understand - why would I need one of those? The days of fisticuffs with my brother are long since behind me...


Pixie,

Thanks. Fortunately said parents are visiting at the weekend (that sounds uncomfortably like I'm in a lunatic asylum or something...) and I hope to cash in my payslips then. I'm also rather hoping they might come with a Bakewell pudding or two, so that I can educate my housemates as to the difference between a Bakewell tart (chemically-enhanced rubbish in a plastic packet) and a Bakewell pudding (the real, misshapen squidgy delicious deal).

xx

But Why? said...

Anna,

Thanks. I'm not looking for spare parents (nor brothers, come to think of it, and I'm acquiring a beautiful sister-in-law in a couple of months), but I do wonder whether, if we could pick our families, how many of us would nd up with the ones we have. Despite the occasional childhood mishap (such as being dropped head first onto a concrete floor (explains a lot...) or being left to wander around a German animal park after my responsible adult wandered off without me) I can't imagine wanting any parents other than ones I've got. Soppy, huh?

Anna MR said...

No, But - or actually, yes soppy, but as it should be. As a mother myself, I'd kind of hope my sons would feel the same way.

x