Thursday, 3 April 2008

In other news...

For those who enjoy their experiences vicariously and have ever wondered what life without the contents of one of your thighs might be like, following his recent extreme orthopedic remodelling, Mr Why? Senior can be found blogging on exactly that subject over at One Hip Wonder.

Still on biological matters and by way of update to my previous post on a gentleman I had the pleasure of interviewing recently, whilst I was at back in Guildford yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting Mr Spunk Man in person. It turns out he looks pretty much like a normal person. Unfortunately, we can no longer refer to this gentleman as "Sperm Boy"/"Spunk Man"/"Swimmers 'R' Us"/"Dr Semen", etc., as he might be offered a job.

We interviewed a lot of people yesterday with mixed results. For the benefit of anyone who might shortly be attending interviews, here're the interview "don'ts" we picked up from yesterday's round of candidates:

  1. arriving late...;
  2. ... and then taking a further 10 minutes to faff, removing earrings, fixing hair, tying your tie, and reminding yourself what you wrote on your CV;
  3. doing all of this without thinking that behind those silvery windows, your interviewer might be watching you getting ready and having that swig from a hip flask(!)
  4. talking too much without waiting for cues that your interviewer is still listening;
  5. not talking at all;
  6. not answering the question which was asked;
  7. behaving in too casual a manner;
  8. speaking sufficiently loudly for the entire company to hear your interview, and probably everyone on the west side of town, too;
  9. celebrating when you think you've got a 'right' answer;
  10. being cocky.

Finally, closing the circle with another bodily-fluid-related pearl of truth, I learned last night that it is a remarkably tricky thing to remove even the freshest of post-curry vomit from deep pile, cream-coloured carpets.


Rob Clack said...

So how many pints of lager had you had before you ordered the takeaway?

And of course, if you've had enough for a technicolour yawn, you'd find it difficult to do almost anything apart from go to bed.

Or have I drawn the wrong conclusion?

But Why? said...

One and a half pints of Tiger, two poppadoms with interesting chilli-mango-chutney, one tawa prawn starter, lamb kashmir, veggie rice, and a few cheesy peas. The occasion was a semi-civilised meal with coleagues, all of whom appear fine. My blame bet is on the London colleague who was off work with something similar shortly after he spent an afternoon offloading his woes in my vicinity.

I reckon he owes me a curry with cheesy peas and the hire of a carpet cleaner...

Rob Clack said...

I reckon you're right. A pint and a half of Tiger wouldn't make a mouse sick. Such a waste of a nice-sounding curry! Make the bugger pay!

btw Thanks for the link to your father's blog and for setting it up for him. A completely fascinating read. Hope I never have to undergo anything like that.

Random Reflections said...

Those interview pointers are great - and I have an interview at the end of the month so will keep them in mind *makes a note to leave the hip flask at home*

I ave a vax that is excellent for cleanign up all sorts of stains. Alhough I'm not sure I want other people's cury vomit in it...

But Why? said...

I hope to be demanding compensation tomorrow in the form of a Friday afternoon beer.

I'm pleased you found my old man's blog an interesting read - I was wondering if perhaps I had a gruesome fascination with his thigh's lack of infrastructure. (And I hope you avoid undergoing anything similar, too.)

trousers said...

Having recently sat on an interview panel myself I would concur with all the pointers you mention; I would also add -

Don't turn up late and then, mid-interview, start talking about how rubbish you are at interviews and apologising for how rubbish you are at interviews because you're (wait for it) really rubbish at interviews. It sends a subtle message to interview panellists.

Can you call (the Love Glue expert formerly known as) Spunk Man "Mr. Population Paste", or is that off-limits also?

But Why? said...

You managed to sneak in there whilst I wasn't looking. Yes, I heartily recommend leaving the hip flask at home, or ensuring you are out of everyone's line of sight before revealing the flask and taking a swig.

I may have to invest in a vax before the year is out - I've managed an unfeasibly large number of gastro-related episodes this year already (I assume my immune system's a bit supressed from training again). I can well understand you may not wish to have someone else's stomach contents in your lovely vax, tho. Good luck for the interview.

No. We cannot.

On previous occasions, nicknames for interviewees slip out by accident. It wouldn't do for a new colleague to find themselves being addressed as "The Clone", or "Tory Boy", or "Mr Wavy-Hand-Man". And definitely not "Mr Population Paste", nor "Love-Glue Expert". I think we're going to need plenty practise at his real name to wean us off the variety of monikers he's acquired in his absence.

Kahless said...

My best (!) interviewing experiences...

Many years ago I picked up one candidate from reception to take him to the room I was interviewing him. Making small talk on the way, I said to him "was your employer ok with you taking the time off work to come to this interview"
and he said
"oh, I dont know, I took a sickie"

Another time I was en route to the room where a candidate was waiting and I was nabbed by HR... "thought we had better warn you but it appears this candidate doesnt speak much english" ..
it was a nightmare.

Then there was a candidate who mentioned that he had left one company rather quickly because of bullying. I made the mistake of empathising and he burst into tears.

And then there was the candidate who must of just had his teeth bleached. I couldnt stop staring and talking to his teeth.

Reading the Signs said...

:) - sorry, but really - :))

But Why? said...

Thankfully we have a few well-trained recruitment consultants who vet potential candidates before referring them, so we don't get many who waste our time - just the occasional bit of special behaviour(!) But since you've brought it up - how exactly is one supposed to react when a candidate bursts into tears?

I'm glad something's raised a smile. I can't begin to guess what that might be - you don't strike me as the schadenfreude type...

Kahless said...

How does one react?

Well actually I said "would you like a moment to compose yourself?"

They said "no" so I changed the topic pretty damn quickly.

But Why? said...

Did they get the job?

Kahless said...

No. Thought I will say that was down to his lack of ability (that I perceived) to do the job.