To set the scene, in the last month I have:
- lost 4kgs;
- produced a large quantity of diarrhoea;
- produced three solid sh7ts;
- had perhaps two nights' uninterrupted sleep;
- missed six training sessions;
- missed a wedding;
- spent a lot of time when I should have been asleep doubled up with stomach cramps; and
- spent a lot of time when I should have been working making exceedingly good use of the spacious and capacious ladies loos.
Surprisingly, given that I've had a whole month of gastric incompetence and averaged less than 5 hrs broken sleep a night, it's been mostly OK. The last couple of weeks when I've started losing weight more quickly have been a bit of a drag. At my current rate of weight loss, I will cease to exist around the start of 2010. But even that's not as bad as it seems, as I'm assuming that before then, my digestive system will have bucked up its ideas and started behaving normally (or at least that the absolute rate of weight loss will reduce as I get lighter).
I should probably have jacked in training a bit earlier than I did, and with the benefit of hindsight, perhaps going for a run last Sunday (just because I happened to be near some decent terrain) might have been a bit of a daft idea. It was a damned nice run, though...
I got a bit desperate last week. (It was a particularly miserable week.) I had a look on eBay to see whether anyone was flogging a spare, functioning digestive system, but sadly I found none, so it looks like I'm stuck with the irritable one I've got. Irritable is probably not the right adjective. It probably was irritable before I did my best to ignore it and continue training (despite food hanging around in my bod for somewhere between 20 minutes and 7 hrs) in the hope it'd pass. It's probably now reached the stage of being really rather pissed off with me.
I guess I'm not the most caring owner my digestive system could have had (and given the amount I eat, it's probably already done an average lifetime's work). If I ever had cause to put my digestive system up for sale on eBay, I think I'd be hard pressed to find any takers. I suppose it more or less has end-to-end functionality, seems free of ulcers, and doesn't appear to have any inflammatory disease, so maybe there could be a few people out there who'd be prepared to take it. They'd be unlucky sods, though...
On the up side, courtesy of a complete lack of rowing, I've already managed to grab about 24 hrs sleep this weekend, and am about to hit the sack in search of some more. I'm counting this as a victory - the improvement has got to start somewhere, hasn't it...?
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18 comments:
So sorry to hear this, Doctor Why, and am at once summoning the formidable powers of the Signs ministry of positive thoughtwaves and arranging for healing vibrations to be despatched forthwith.
For one daft moment, when you spoke of weight loss, I thought you'd been on some crackpot diet - ridiculous notion seeing as you must be fit as a fiddle with all that activity. Here's hoping that your insides calm down so that the rest of you can be up and running again soon.
Sorry you've been so unwell. I hope you are now on the mend.
Take care.
Signs,
Thanks, I am looking forward to the arrival of the healing vibrations. My usual approaches (ignore then (if symptoms continue) take drugs) have failed to have an effect, so I'm exceedingly open to positive thoughtwaves.
All that whinging over a runny tummy has made me now feel very wimpish. I am rubbish at being off-colour. I have so little patience...
Random,
Hi, and thanks for your good wishes. I hope I'm on the mend, too. I also hope to get a couple of days off work this week to take things easy (and have more lie-ins - they help my mood if nothing else!).
What's a sh7t?
Is it what K9 would do?
Glad to hear that you've had what sounds like some proper, recuperative sleep: should be a good sign.
Hope you really are recovering. Me, I'd have taken medical advice long since, but then I'm a bloke and the merest sniffle has me skyving off work.
So if you sol your digestive system on ebay, what would you do to fill the gap, so to speak?
Trousers,
Almost certainly.
I feel my efforts over the last month have spanned the entire spectrum of faeces, producing output I would never had dreamed was possible.
And sleep is so very, very good. Working for a living has a lot to answer for, I feel...
Rob C,
Well, I suppose it wouldn't have hurt to seek medical advice sooner. On second thoughts, my local GPs are so rubbish that it actually would have hurt to have sought their advice sooner. I sat through a five minute automated lesson on using their automated booking system to book the next available appointment, before being told that there were no appointments available meeting my needs. I then had to sit through the thing all over again before holding for an eternity to speak with a receptionist who eventually conceded that I could have an appointment on Thursday. Grrrr....!
Kahless,
I think I would leave the cavity open and exhibit myself in Tate Modern, or perhaps donate myself to the Wellcome collection. In the short term, I'd probably spend a lot of tim in front of the mirror marvelling at the remnants of my internal workings, and just enjoying being free from the vice-like cramps.
Ah yes, I tend to forget that I have the benefit of being registered with a wonderful doctor in a really rather efficient health centre. Same day appointments are not uncommon. God help us if they get absorbed into a Hyperclinic!
Rob C,
Lucky you. I used to have decent GPs....
I actually had a slightly better experience with my GPs this morning, trying to get a same day appointment. Granted, it took me half an hour of trying to get through to reception, when I booked the last available appointment... only to be told by the receptionist that it had just been taken via the automated booking system. The anguish in my voice must have been telling, as he offered to arrange a telephone consultation for 10 am. Given that all I wanted was prescription drugs or a referral, whichever was deemed appropriate, and that even if I walk into the surgery feeling fine, the dismal atmosphere of the place leaves me feeling queasy, a telephone consultation suited me fine.
10 am came early, (and hour and a quarter early) with the usual lecture on steamed veg, rice, the miracle of the apple and the perils of orange juice and, evntually, the promise of a prescription waiting for me to collect.
Of course, having staggered the ten minutes to the surgery, the prescription wasn't quite ready for me to collect, so as I waited the twenty minutes or so for the prescription to materialise, I consoled myself with the notion that unlike the very sad and depressed-looking fish suspended in the suspiciously gloopy fish tank, I at least had the prospect of not spending the rest of my life in such dire surroundings.
Eventually the prescription arrived and I was able to escape into the daylight and to the pharmacist to collect my munchies - less than two hours from making the appointment to getting drugs, which I think is some sort of miracle, and probably due to Signs' positive thoughtwaves rubbing off.
Fingers crosssed (or should it be legs crossed?) that to paraphrase the Verve, the drugs *do* work in this case
BTW Radio 4 ran a strand recently on the RNLI in the Thames, needlessss to say you sprang to mind...
Gael,
I hope so, too. I've realised that I am actually a terribly easily confused person. My current pill popping consists of 4 pills in the morning, of which three come in blister packs and the other from a multi-vitamin bottle, then I get another antibiotic with food in the evening, and an anti-imflammatory to take on an empty stomach. If this was the only thing I had to do in a day, I'd probably manage it, but being unused to pill-popping, I'm finding it all a bit complicated.
Thanks for thinking about me when the RNLI showed up on Radio4(!)
Sending additional thoughtwave in your direction. I think you should get your time-travelling bro to do something a bit useful as he seems to have time on his hands at the moment.
Signs,
Thankyou for your good wishes. I made it out onto the river this morning, but having had a rubbish night's sleep (thanks to some bugger giving me their cold), now feel a bit rubbish, so I'm currently tucked up in bed, taking it easy.
I think assistance from my bro might be some time in coming - he and his wife (you didn't know about her...?) will shortly (touch wood) be too busy with their new baby to offer any assistance. But I'll get to play at being Auntie Why? (and as you might guess am heartily thrilled at the prospect), so will forgoe the assistance for the time being.
You got IBS? Or something more acute? Get better soon, 4kg is way too much for someone of your fitness to lose!
DJ,
Not sure what it is - seeking a referral to a gastroenterologist to find out.
Things are looking up - I'm back on the planet of solid shits, back in the gym and back on the water, but whether the improvement's due to changes in diet, extra bonus sleep, wearing purple, antibiotics or anti-imflammatories, I couldn't tell.
Wearing purple is good for almost anything. Glad to see you're up and running again.
oh no fun!! I hope your intestines stop the protesting soonish.
Signs,
Yes, wearing purple is almost certainly the cause of my recent improvement. (The drugs may have helped a little, too...)
Wayfarer,
Thanks. I'm hoping they get better too, but the moment I'm just pleased to have the symptoms under a bit of control.
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