Making the most of train travel

After a long day at work mostly sitting on my posterior, the last thing I want for the journey home is more sitting on my bum. I had a few idle moments on the way home today, and without a book to distract me, I found plenty time to study the possibilities for a bit of post work exercise presented by the interior design of the South West Trains service to Portsmouth Harbour. So, without further ado, I present to you:


Dr But Why's New Guide to Training

1: Stand, don't sit. This is a basic exercise for beginners and develops the balance skills required for some of the more advanced exercises.

2: Chin-ups. Use the parcel shelves as a handy chin-up bar. This is best accomplished if you position yourself between rows of seats which face each other, which provide plenty room to stand in between sets.

3: Dips. Use empty seats for support. Great for the triceps.

4: If you feel the need for additional bicep burn, use the poles in the vestibule area as a handy prop for a "work to failure" exercise*. Hold the pole with one hand. Stand with your feet close to the pole. Slowly lean away from the pole until the arm connecting your shoulder to the pole is at about 90 degrees. Stay like that for as long as it takes. (In the interests of public comfort, you should probably give up before the pain causes a torrent of obscenities to emerge from your mouth.) Repeat with the other arm.

5: Sit ups. Ignore the rule about not putting your feet on the seats. Do it anyway and tell the guard who tries to admonish you that it's only the backs of your heels on the seat, and not the sole of your shoe. If they really give you grief, remove your shoes before doing this**.

6: Press-ups. Easy. Stick to the vestibule area and you shouldn't be bothered by too many people. Remember to do sets only whilst the train is in motion as doing these when approaching a station can cause injury.

7: Don't forgot to stretch afterwards. The vestibule areas (which I believe were called "corridors" in years gone by) provide useful floorspace for various stretching postures.

8: (Advanced practitioners only) Martial arts. Well, in fact, any form of self-defence is a good idea against those people who've come to take you away.

So there you have it. The next time you're bored on a train and wondering why you never get any time to exercise, dig out this handy guide to a healthier lifestyle.


*I used to derive an unseemly pleasure from these sorts of things in my former life as a rower (that's "rower", pronounced "masochist").

** Only if you have pleasantly perfumed pods. I once cleared an entire carriage by removing my shoes. I was 19, in Zimbabwe and one of the worst sorts of unwashed backpackers you could hope to encounter. I also hadn't removed my boots in over three days, and my socks had been through the magic, dry, detergent-free washing machine that is rucksack storage a few too many times. I rapidly redeveloped normal personal hygiene practises on my return to the UK.